He could hear her screaming from all the way upstairs. He smiled to himself. That'll teach that bitch.
He had done it that morning, before she had woken up. It was huge. And it was waiting for her.
"JOHN!"
John snickered to himself.
"FLUSH THE DAMN TOILET!"
I like the story a lot, not only because I love the topic poop but also because you make it seem like a horror story at the beginning. I like how you used "bitch" because it seems like the guy hates her and wants to kill her. At least I thought that! :D You could give the story a nice title, that might seem like a horror story, that would be even funnier. :)
ReplyDeleteI second Ella's comments- needs a title and good angry word choice, although I would consider revising the middle section, "He had done it that morning, before she had woken up. It was huge." Describing "it" as huge seems off for the action of done it in a horror story.
ReplyDeleteOtherwise a pretty good story- for a poop story...